Though apparently, the concept of shame and narcissism seem to be diagonally antagonistic but are interwoven deeply. Narcissistic attitude towards life and events is the first defensive against shame and it works dynamically with others defenses hand in hand. The narcissist can be both, an exploiter of shame or victim of shame, brutally and ruthlessly exploited by shame. Which turn of events the narcissist’s mind will take depends on which type of dominant “shame and lust archetype” is possessed by his psyche? The potential for both is there.
Shame is universally admitted negative and destructive emotion. The shameful person sulks and becomes introverted avoiding touch and sight of people around him. In extreme cases of shame he may totally close himself from society and may remain hidden in house avoiding all contact with known people. The structure of psyche of shameful person is very volatile and fragile. It may submit to pressure of shame and collapse at any time. The shame is such a arrow that all defenses put up by the victim are shattered and pierced and the victim becomes totally collapsed and paralyze with cast down eyes as If he wishes to enter the womb of mother earth from where he has emerged. One shameful victim remarked in a similar way, “the world around is so hostile that I even wish to enter the womb of my mother for protection”. Such is the damaging and devastating effect of shame on the personality and psyche of man. It creates such an inferiority complex in the psyche that person feels his self as “worthless” and, devoid of all energy capable of doing nothing or initiation of any motive or purpose.
The delusion of “I am wretched and dirty” is the frequent state of psyche met with such patients. In the “depth of his psychology” he views his or her self as nothing worthwhile, rather a thing to be felt ashamed and despised. He becomes contemptuous in attitude to self and others. In certain acute psychosis and in crisis episodes of shame he may commit suicide secretly. I know one nurse who after suffering a severe shame crisis tried in vain to commit suicide by consuming and injecting heavy doses of anti sugar medicine. Her blood sugar was so lowered that it was with difficulty that she was saved.
There are two distinct dimensions of the problem and crisis of shame; the person who uses this weapon to create shame in others; and the victim or prey of shame. In the second dimension the creator of shame i.e. the subject and on whom the shame has been thrust upon .e the object becomes the same person. Both the situations are grave and demand attention. Here in second situation there is no one outsider to punish but the self of the person that punishes the person for his “unholy and dirty acts”. The doing may not be wrong or dirty but the subject thinks it so and thinks persistently and obsessively so. He assumes himself as the committer of crime and wishes to punish the person who has made this blunder or wrong. Here in this post the focus will be on first dimension of shame. Here I am reminded of “multiple personality disorder” in which the person behaves as If he had many or multiple personalities. Here also the dragon of shame is at fault.
Shame is considered to be the essential part of the moral code of society. It is tool to punish the wrong doings of self. Shame is crucification of the self for its bad and dirty acts that it did secretly and hidingly. The acts may not be bad in essence or taste but the perpetrator purposely makes these shameful to be ashamed. Shame is a universally admitted tool of offence/ defense to exploit, to victimize, to narcissize and to punish the enemies with subtle strategies. It is also possible that one narcissist with this tool is on offensive and the other with same tool is on defensive. The very purpose of saying “you should be ashamed” or “shame on you” “Be shameful” is to coerce or to crush the personality and psyche of the victim to “nothingness” or “worthlessness”.
“Worthlessness” or “dirtiness” is the real substratum of the psyche of the narcissist and he cleverly projects it on others. It is a tool to make him or her realize his folly or wrongness to the extent so that he may become totally paralyzed and cataleptic. It is a clever and manipulative but “unconscious behavioral act” to reduce the psyche of victim to submission to desperation and to depression. The “depth psychology” of the perpetrator of shame on others hides the narcissistic deception and designs in its garb or “colored.Camouflage”of didactic advice or conversation. The pangs of shame or excruciating pains of shame are not easy to describe in words. The ashamed person feels alienated from self and society. Had the “collective unconscious” of society used this subtle weapon so persistently for centuries; than it might be a powerful weapon? The narcissist employs this weapon consciously or unconsciously to make holes in the defenses of his enemy. If the society uses this weapon repeatedly against the victim than the psyche of the victim is liable to be injured beyond repair.
Such is the depressing effect of shame that the victim becomes mentally wreck. As concluding remarks I will say that shame is a strong narcissist tool to seduce the victim to submission and surrender. Shame is double edged weapon in the hands of people displaying some traits of “narcissistic armoury” to defend themselves and wound the others, but in turn in some instances it may kill the narcissists too. The narcissist uses this strategy to hide and cover up his own fragilities. This type of shame that we project on others is born out of the mask of grandiose ideas and megalomaniac hunger.
